Laboratory Lament

I'm starting this blog for one reason.

Brigham Young University INFURIATES me. I need to express my frustration, because all of this bottled up anger can't possibly be healthy.

I am majoring in Biology, and it's NOT easy. It's the 5th most popular major at BYU (meaning it's ridiculously competitive) and it's composed of 75% male students. It's not a walk in the park.

Anyways, yesterday was the last straw. I went to my weekly three-hour chemistry lab confident and prepared to start the complicated procedure. I'm the only girl in my lab group, but I thought i had proven myself to be just as capable as the boys. Yesterday, however, I realized I was horribly wrong. I don't know if my partners were on some sort of testosterone high, but whatever the reason, I was completely alienated from the group, and was left to do the lab on my own. I was forced to exploit my feminine charm and flirt with the T.A. to get the help I needed. But sure enough, at the end of the lab, my lab partners realized that without my guidance, they had completely neglected an important part of the experiment. They begged me to share my results with them, and i begrudgingly let them, hoping they had learned their lesson.

Experiences like this give me the feeling that all male students at BYU think the only chemical mixing I should be doing is the sexual kind, with them (After getting hitched, of course.). I can't even tell you how many times I've heard, "Chemistry lab is great practice for all the cooking you'll be doing!" In response to this pervasive attitude, I have compiled a list of chemistry basics that all female BYU students ALREADY know! If the men on campus knew how much chemistry we are required to understand to fulfil our divine potential, the "ditzy/dim-witted" stereotype would vanish!!!


Chemistry Basics for Young Latter-Day Saint Women at BYU:

-Hydrogen Peroxide (H2O2): Hydrogen Peroxide is the main component of hair bleaching products. Although very damaging to hair, it is important to regularly bleach your hair at least 3 shades lighter than your natural hair color.

-Ethanol (C2H6O), and Nicotine (C10H14O2): Ethanol (component of drinking alcohol), and Nictone (addicting ingredient in cigarettes) are prohibited in all circumstances.

-Carbon (C) and Gold (Au): Carbon is the element that forms diamonds when arranged in a crystal lattice structure. When combined with a gold band, a beautiful ring, symbolizing marriage and eternal love, is formed. Your main priority in life should be to receive one of these! [The more hydrogen peroxide you use, the more likely this is to happen.]

-Sodium bicarbonate (NaHCO3): Sodium bicarbonate, baking soda, is a staple for the modern Mormon housewife. It is necessary for bread, cookies, and cake!

-Ammonia (NH3): This is an ingredient commonly found in Windex and other household cleaning products. Become familiar with it and keep out of reach of children!

-Sertraline hydrochloride (C17H17Cl2N): This is the scientific name for Zoloft, and similar antidepressants. Antidepressant drugs are prescribed nearly twice as often in Utah as any other state, so you will most likely come to know and love this miracle drug!



With this impressive repertoire of knowledge, I bet most women at BYU could rival even Madame Curie's "radiant" understanding of Chemistry.